Does the Date make the Marriage?

Thousands of couples are getting married today. Why? Because of the date: 07/07/07. Many think it will bring good luck to their marriage. I'm curious – will the date actually make the difference in how the marriage unfolds and works out?

My neighbors are getting married today – because of the date. I don't know if they are getting married because they love each other (they've lived together for over 3 years, had a child together 2 years ago, they fight all the time, he constantly calls her rude and contemptuous names, he can't hold a job and they keep the recycling folks busy handling their 2-3 cases of empty beer cans a week). I just know that they are getting married because they think it's "really cool, man" to get married on 07/07/07. Like that magic number is going to stop the fighting, and change their language (every other word out of their mouths is "F" – even when yelling at the children, which is pretty much all the time).

Thousands of couples all over the world are flocking to chapels, churches, JP's and Las Vegas to get married today. And all for the date. But have they done their home work? Have they done their marriage work? Do they have all their ducks in a row when it comes to finances, family, careers and blending two lives into a loving and functional marriage? Have they developed the intimacy required to spend the rest of their lives together – through the tough times and the fun times? Do they have more to go on after today than the mere fact that their wedding date is 07/07/07?

I would love to know the statistics in about 10 years as to how many of these couples are truly experiencing marital bliss and how many have already hit the divorce courts. I'll keep you posted on the folks next door. Maybe today will luck to not only them but to me as well. Maybe I won't be awakened anymore at 2AM from their screaming fights. Maybe I won't have to listen to them yell at their children anymore (she has 2 from 2 previous relationships). Maybe they will clean up their language and learn new ways of expressing themselves rather than "F that!" or "F you!" I won't hold my breath waiting...

[Addendum - sad to say, the above mentioned couple is now in prison for a prescription scam they worked in Spring 2008]

Re-Claim Who You Are!

I recently re-claimed my fragrance. Let me explain.

Many years ago I wore fragrance. There was always some kind of fragrance from Chantilly when I was in my teens to Tresor when I was in my 30's. I went through a Patchouli phase too as well as a Rose phase and a Lavender phase. I also love incense and used to burn Nag Chompa and other scent-ual incenses in my home.

Then I stopped wearing fragrance altogether. Why? Because my mother and sisters didn't like it and I wanted desperately for them to like me, so I stopped. They always made such a fuss about it – and believe me, I certainly didn't overdo – everything was light and tasteful and I enjoyed the light bouquet that floated around me when I moved. Ahhhh....

BUT, my family objected - constantly. You would think I was doing something terribly awful to them.  My mother would gag (funny how her cigarettes didn't bother anyone at all) and my sister would leave the room with her hand over her nose.  They even went so far as to complain about the smell of empty boxes I would provide them from my work – you see, they were (are?) pack rats and needed sturdy boxes with lids to store their "stuff". Working in a computer room provided plenty of great boxes for them – but they complained all the time because the boxes smelled like me. My mother would go so far as to lay the boxes out in the front yard, on the bushes, to air them out for days before bringing them into the house.

The complaints didn't end there. If I used a soap or hair product with an odor, they complained about it. If I used a laundry detergent with an odor, they complained about it. So I went totally fragrance free. And I was miserable. And I discovered, it wasn't the smells they didn't like – it was me, plain and simple.  You see, they complained about me bringing my cats to visit when I would stay for the weekend, so I stopped that.  They complained when I brought my laundry to do, so I stopped that.  They complained when I offered to paint the interior of the house because I couldn't possibly do it right.  They complained when I cleaned the house because I moved something I shouldn't have and my sister lost the opportunity to clean ("but I was just going to do that today!" she would wail)  The only thing they didn't complain about was when I took them out to eat on my tab or bought their vitamins and herbs and didn't request payment).  That seemed to work ok for them.

Now that we are all estranged (their choice) and I've discovered that they really don't like me, fragrance or not, I have taken back my power and I wear fragrance again. If people don't like it, then they don't have to be around me. I use lavender sprays on my linens and Aura Cacia body sprays on me. I use fragrant soaps and hair products and I burn incense and fragrant candles all the time. I use a lavender dish liquid and scented oils in my body work practice. It's me – and I love it - so get used to it. ☺

My question to you is this: is there anything that you love that you have given up in order to please someone in order to get them to like you? Think about that and make sure that the relationship is totally worth losing a part of yourself in the process.